How can partners effectively support newborn care according to Hilary Erickson's strategies?

Hi, I’m Hilary Erickson from The Pregnancy Nurse. Love this question, because solid newborn care really starts with how you work together as partners.

Pulling from what I teach (and model in my prenatal class), here are core strategies that help partners really show up with a new baby:

• Lower expectations and stay flexible
  Newborn life is messy and unpredictable. Expect that both of you will be tired, emotional, and learning. When you assume “we’re both doing our best,” resentment goes down and teamwork goes up.

• Use very specific requests
  Just like in labor, your partner isn’t a mind reader. Instead of “help with the baby,” try “can you change this diaper while I shower?” or “can you hold her skin‑to‑skin for 20 minutes so I can nap?”

• Remember “it’s the situation, not each other”
  You’re both fighting exhaustion, constant feedings, and a steep learning curve. When you’re snappy, try to name it: “I’m overwhelmed and tired; I’m not mad at you.” That frame—us vs. the chaos, not me vs. you—is huge.

• Partners: don’t take things personally
  Just like in labor, your job is to support, not to be perfect. If the birthing parent corrects how you’re swaddling or burping, see it as “data,” not criticism. Ask, “Show me how you like it,” and try again.

• Partners: be the “idea person”
  The primary caregiver may be too exhausted to problem‑solve. You can say, “Why don’t I take the next diaper and you focus on feeding?” or “How about I handle bedtime routine while you go to bed early?” Offering concrete options is incredibly supportive.

• Share the invisible work
  Talk through all the little tasks tied to newborn care (refilling wipes, washing bottles, restocking diapers, managing appointments). Decide who “owns” what, not just who “helps.” That reduces that heavy mental load I talk about so often.

• Protect time to talk (even 10 minutes)
  I love a weekly “sit down” like I mention in my marital duties episode. With a newborn, keep it short: What’s working? What’s not? Where do you feel overwhelmed? What’s one thing I can take off your plate this week?

• Support each other’s identity shifts
  Both of you are changing. The birthing parent may feel like they “lost” who they were. The partner may suddenly feel huge pressure to provide or “fix” things. Saying this out loud and validating each other (“Yeah, this is a big loss/change, and it’s okay to feel weird about it”) really strengthens the team.

If you haven’t already, a good prenatal or newborn class you take together helps you start on the same page, instead of one expert and one bystander.

What part of newborn care feels most overwhelming for you right now—night wakings, feeding, or dividing chores?