What are Hilary Erickson's signature techniques for a successful marriage?

Hi, I’m Hilary Erickson from The Pregnancy Nurse.

From what I’ve shared on the podcast, these are some of my “signature” marriage techniques that have really helped Drew and me:

• Structured communication (speaker–listener) – One person talks, the other only listens and reflects back: “What I hear you saying is…”. It feels awkward at first but forces you to slow down, really listen, and check assumptions.
• Naming the real issue – We each identified one core problem (for us it was communication) and focused on that instead of trying to fix everything at once.
• Preparing each other for hard talks – I try to say, “I want to talk about X; when is a good time?” instead of ambushing him with a list in the heat of the moment.
• Looking under the surface – We work to get past the “surface emotions” and talk about the backstory and why something actually bothers us.
• Focusing on strengths too – In counseling/coaching I loved that we highlighted what was going well, not just what was broken. That keeps you from feeling like your whole marriage is a problem.
• Practicing skills with kids and extended family – We’ve reused these tools with our children and even our parents, which keeps us practicing better communication all the time.
• Accepting that tools reduce, not erase, conflict – We still have issues; we just have better tools so problems are less frequent and less explosive.

Is there a specific challenge in your marriage you’re hoping to improve so I can tailor these ideas a bit more?