How does Brian D Smith suggest using pain as a tool for personal growth in grief management?

I look at pain as information, not punishment. In grief, the pain is your system saying, “Something unimaginably important has changed.” Instead of fighting it or numbing it 24/7, I invite people to:

• Turn toward it gently – Notice where it shows up in your body, your thoughts, your behaviors. Get curious instead of judgmental.
• Name it – “This is loneliness,” “This is fear,” “This is love with nowhere to go.” Naming reduces overwhelm.
• Listen for the message – Pain often points to what you value: connection, meaning, safety, love. That’s the compass for growth.
• Channel it into action – Tiny steps: journaling, creating rituals for your loved one, service to others, therapy, support groups, spiritual exploration. Pain becomes fuel, not just fire.
• Hold it inside a bigger story – We’re spiritual beings. Your loved one still exists; the bond continues. When you see pain as part of a continuing relationship and an evolving soul, it can become a portal to deeper compassion, purpose, and authenticity.

You don’t have to “like” the pain or be grateful for it. You just have to be willing to sit with it long enough to let it teach you, instead of only torture you.

Would you like some concrete practices (like a short daily exercise) to start working with your pain this way?