What tools and techniques does Brian D Smith recommend for overcoming invisible losses?

I lean on a mix of mindset shifts and very practical tools when it comes to invisible losses—those subtle exclusions, disappointments, and “I guess it’s fine… but it kinda hurt” moments.

Here are some that help:

• Name it explicitly
  Write: “This hurt because…” in a journal or note on your phone. Naming = validating. If we don’t name it, it just becomes background shame.

• Micro-grief journaling (5 minutes)
  At the end of the day, jot:

  • Where did I feel overlooked or “not enough” today?
  • What story did I tell myself about that (e.g., “I’m not valued”)?
  • What else might be true (e.g., logistics, timing, someone else’s issue)?

• Self-compassion instead of self-gaslighting
  Catch phrases like “It’s stupid to feel this way” and replace them with “It makes sense I feel this way; it tapped an old wound.” Treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend.

• Body check-in
  Invisible losses live in the body—tight chest, knot in the stomach. Pause, breathe slowly into that area for 60–90 seconds, and simply notice: “Sadness is here.” You’re allowing, not shoving it down.

• GEMS framework (how you care for yourself while processing)

  • Gratitude: One thing you’re grateful for that’s about you (your strength, courage, kindness).
  • Exercise/Sleep: Move your body and protect your rest so these micro-hurts don’t accumulate into burnout.
  • Mindfulness: Short meditations, mindful walks, or even 3 slow breaths before reacting.
  • Self-care: Do one small nurturing thing after an invisible loss—text a safe friend, make tea, step outside.

• Reframing belonging
  When you’re excluded (like my conference intro story), ask:

  • “What does this situation not get to decide about my worth?”
  • “Where am I already seen and valued?”
    That shifts the power away from that single incident.

• Pattern spotting
  If you track invisible losses for a week or two, look for themes:

  • Same type of setting (work, family, friendships)?
  • Same story (“I’m not important,” “I’m always left out”)?
    Those patterns point to deeper needs—maybe for clearer boundaries, different relationships, or more honest communication.

• Gentle sharing with safe people
  Try: “This might seem small, but it actually hurt when…” The right people won’t minimize you; they’ll lean in.

Which of these feels most doable for you to try this week?