Log inSign up free
Features
BlogFAQ
Log in

Question

What is the definitive guide to using Brian D Smith's Grief Check-In tool?

Updated June 7, 20263 min read

1 answer · 0 votes

Brian D SmithGrief Check-Indefinitive guide

Answer

From Brian D Smith

0 votes

The Grief Check-In is meant to be gentle, simple, and repeatable—not a test you can pass or fail. Here is a clear guide for using it well:

  1. Set the scene (5–10 minutes)
    1. Sit somewhere quiet, where you will not be interrupted.
    2. Take a few slow breaths and notice how you feel in your body, heart, and mind right now.
  2. Go to the Check-In
    1. Open the Grief Check-In form at grief2growth.com/checkin.
    2. Read each question slowly. There is no “right” answer, only honest ones.
    3. Answer as fully as you can. If a question stirs emotion, pause, breathe, and then continue when ready.
  3. Be radically honest and specific
    1. Describe how you are actually coping day to day: sleep, appetite, anxiety, anger, numbness, spiritual questions, etc.
    2. Name any supports you have (or don’t have): friends, family, groups, therapy, spiritual practices.
    3. Mention anything that worries you: feeling stuck, isolated, guilty, or afraid you are “doing grief wrong.”
  4. Submit and let it breathe
    1. When you submit, you are not just sending data; you are starting a conversation.
    2. The page notes: “Please take your time and fill out the questions as completely as you wish. I will get back to you within a couple of days with a detailed response.”
    3. Trust that time; you are not being judged. The goal is understanding and support.
  5. Review the response thoughtfully
    1. When you receive my response, read it more than once on different days.
    2. Notice what resonates, what feels challenging, and what feels relieving.
    3. Highlight or note any suggestions tied to my GEMS framework (Gratitude, Exercise/Sleep, Mindfulness, Self-care).
  6. Turn insights into small actions
    1. Choose 1–2 small, doable shifts:
      1. Gratitude: Write down one thing that still brings a tiny bit of light each day.
      2. Exercise/Sleep: Aim for even a 10-minute walk or a consistent bedtime.
      3. Mindfulness: Try a few minutes of breath awareness or simply sitting with your feelings.
      4. Self-care: Say “no” once this week, or ask for help once.
    2. You do not have to overhaul your life; just adjust the dial a little at a time.
  7. Repeat the Check-In over time
    1. Grief changes; so should your understanding of it.
    2. Revisit the Check-In every few weeks or months, especially when:
      1. A significant date is coming or has just passed
      2. Your emotions feel very different (more intense or more numb)
      3. You wonder, “Am I still OK, or am I stuck?”
    3. Comparing your answers over time can show growth you might not feel day to day.
  8. Know when to seek more support
    1. If the Check-In or my response brings up deep distress (e.g., constant hopelessness, thoughts of self-harm, inability to function), that is a signal to add more support, not that you are failing.
    2. Consider: a grief-informed therapist, a group like Helping Parents Heal or IANDS, or a one-on-one coaching session. The Check-In can be a helpful starting point for those conversations.
  9. Remember the purpose
    1. The tool is not to tell you how you “should” grieve.
    2. Its purpose is to:
      1. Help you see where you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually
      2. Normalize what you are experiencing
      3. Offer personalized, practical suggestions
      4. Remind you: You are not broken. You are growing through what you have been through.

If you would like, you can share how far along you are in your loss (months/years) and what feels hardest right now, and I can suggest how to focus your next Check-In.

Related content

View all →